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Mud Flaps, Your Unflappable Friend When Things Get Nasty

By: David S. Brooks

One hundred and fifty dollars! I couldn’t believe it, but there it was, printed right there on the fix-it-ticket, $150. It was clear that there would be no way out of this one. That dang cop had me dead to rights and now the bill had arrived in all its highway-robbery glory. What now?

The saga began a few weeks ago when me and my buddies were sloshing it up at the local mud bog. My ’04 Silverado, aptly named Mud-Slinger, is built for the express purpose of, well, slinging mud. I’ve got a snorkeled cold air intake for the deep stuff, a power chip tuned for torque and a performance exhaust to let that baby exhale.

On top of the power mods, I got the Mud-Slinger lifted higher than Keith Richards on china white. I’m talkin’ 14” Skyjacker lift, triple Fox shocks front and rear, ladder bars—the works. And, it’s all sitting on top of a set of meaty 44” inch Monster-Mudder tires. These babies are so big that the Mud-Slinger practically floats over the bogs. Plus, I like the ruckus they make when those gnarly treads start clawing the pavement.

Of course, the Monster-Mudders are what started this ticket trouble in the first place. You see, the local deputy sheriff, Deputy Conner, is also a local mud bogger. He’s one of those snivelers that me and the Slinger end up winching from the muck. Deputy Conner drives some panty-waist Jeep that he tries to pass off as a mud machine. Silly Conner, Jeeps are for girls.

This particular day, after tearing up the bog, I’m driving the Slinger home and notice flashing lights and the wail of a siren. I pulled to side and to my utter surprise Conner struts up sporting mirrored shades and a toothpick. He asks me for my license and registration and I remind this numbskull that he’s known me since the 4th grade. Conner puffed his chest trying to act all official like and asks me step from the vehicle. That’s when the trouble began.

Ten minutes, a slight scuffle and a few embarrassing bite marks later, Deputy Conner ends up writing me a ticket for having no mud flaps! I guess the Mudders stick out to far from the wheel wells. What the hey! I’m mean putting mud flaps on the Mud-Slinger is like non-alcoholic beer—what’s the point. Of course, the way things went down I’m lucky he didn’t take me down to the pokey for assaulting an officer.

So what now? I got the ticket which means I not only have to pay the $150 fine, I gotta install mud flaps to get my record cleared. So I went online and started shopping for flaps. I was amazed at how many styles there were to choose from: diamond plate, molded plastic, flat plastic and rubber. I decided on a rubber set built for duallies. The mudslinger ain’t no dually, but I figured the wider flap would cover those 44 inchers.

Installing the flaps was no problem, they bolted right up. I did have to do a little trimming since they were dually flaps, but that was no problem. They didn’t look bad and as I found out, they actually did some good. When I start slingin’, the flaps actually keep the mud from splattering all over the truck. I used to like that muddy look, but it was a hassle cleaning up afterward. Now, the mud stays off the truck and keeps the paint looking clean.

I went downtown sporting my new flaps and got the ticket written off. I’m still ticked at Conner but we worked it out. The next time he got that girly Jeep of his stuck in the bog, my winch mysteriously got jammed up and I couldn’t help him. He just sat there fuming mad while me and the boys loaded up and headed to the watering hole for a few post-bogging brews.

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Whether you’re clearing fix-it tickets or just keeping your vehicle spic-n-span, a set of mud flaps is your ticket to cleanliness. There are few brands out there, I happen to order a set of Husky mud flaps. Good luck and I’ll see ya at the bogs. - David S. Brooks

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